Circle your answer from one to five: one being completely false, five being completely true.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] Better to die young than live-forever.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] This hole has existed long before you; you were born oozing around the sides of it.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] It’s not easy being a woman in outer space.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] Teachers warned you not to smile with too many teeth. 

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] Sometimes, you find yourself leaking from surprising places.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You’ve been unnecessarily preoccupied with kidnappings.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] Near the point of climax, it’s fun to image Venus bursting through the ceiling to stain the mattress with you.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You can see your face in other people’s knees.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] A better man would know what to do with his hands at all times.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You believe it’d be quite pleasurable to have your skull rearranged.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] It is important to learn other languages so you can explain your traumas to strangers in foreign lands.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You’d have made a much prettier boy.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] In a perfect world, all genitalia would be as hairless and smoothed shut as a Barbie Doll’s.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You’d look good with surgery scars. 

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You identify with photographs of insects with holes on both ends.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] God is the ultimate absent Mother. 

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] You’re afraid of horses. Their eyes are so heavy, and you don’t know that they like what they see.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] Late at night, you turn your tongue sideways to simulate feelings of intrusion.

[1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5] If something dies quiet, it never should have been alive in the first place.

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